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Writer's pictureRadip Tandukar

Being the Sun

​I wasn’t born like most of you. I never saw my mom or my dad. When I was born all of my brothers and sisters were gone as well. After stretching out from my egg shell, I was covered in some tasteless juice. FINALLY! I was out of the shell and could clearly see the bulb rather than the translucent figure from my shell. But in a while I couldn’t see anything. I lost all my senses. I could smell, I could hear, but not see. I tried to yell but then I felt things around me. Only then did I know that if I stuck my tongue out and breathed in I could see things. Well all is good for me.

I was really happy I got free, but sad as well that none of my brothers or my sisters waited for me to hatch. Such a drag that they will never know my birthday, neither will I. how might my mom look like? She left us when we were too young in the egg. And even she won’t know my birthday. After learning to sense things around me, I wanted to eat. I was really really hungry. But unlike you, I don’t have a pair of legs or hands, I simply had to crawl. I hurt in the beginning, crawling through the leaves tickled my body but some sharp stones were very rough. Later on my belly got used to it and got tough.

I did try speaking with other beings, but all ran away when they saw me. I had done nothing wrong to them or did I have any disease on me. The cuckoo sang such a beautiful song, but cursed and flew away in panic as soon as they spotted me. The frog simply grumped on me, and showed me their angry eyes. But the trees were a good friend of mine, and the soil too. They never spoke but listened and most of all never ran away. I loved them to my dearest heart.

Like I said, the first day while searching for food, I could feel an elephant running in my belly. I wanted to eat but didn’t know what to do. So, I asked trees and they simply smiled at me. I got even more confused. I crawled and saw a juice green leaf, so shiny and lustrous. I don’t have teeth so I had to swallow it as a whole but I just couldn’t get it through my neck. I vomited it all back. I was so hungry and so sad as well. Then I crawled up to the tree, assuming she hadn’t listened to me clearly before, maybe if I whisper it loud on her ears she might answer me what I was supposed to eat. I went up to her smiling trunk and wrapped myself to her branch and asked her, she smiled again. I got angry and turned around. It was then when I saw a bunch of twigs making a circle at the end of the branch. I crawled to look closer. There I saw magical white eggs, much bigger than from which I came from. My stomach was grumbling. I didn’t want to eat the same thing I had eaten before I hatched. I asked if I had to eat the eat to the tree. I asked the tree with my lips curved down and it replied with it lips curved up.

I punched my head into the shell, it hurt really badly. I think my skull was still soft. I did see a couple of stars for a while but then I had to do something, so I punched my head again and again and only after the fifth attempt, the shell broke loose and let my head inside the ball of slimy food. I saw honey like darker ball at the centre of it. I saw nothing but honey after a while. So I galloped all of it in and in a while all I was left of was an empty shell and a filled belly.

It was then I realized that I had just killed someone who was yet to come into this beautiful world. In a while my tail felt numb and my belly empty with guilt. I slowly turned to the tree fearing it would be angry and throw me out of its branch. But as my eyes met hers, she was still smiling back at me. I then knew who I am, a killer of the unborn and fear of the born.

I was really fond of humans. Such large creation with colorful scaled, more colors than the chameleon could change. Walking graciously with their hair falling down, living in their own sky dens, they were really happy. But I wondered why they were isolated from us and the jungle. I loved staying near the forbidden road where humans would walk by.

One fine morning I, like always, hiding under Greeny, I named the trees and she was really happy with it, was listening the cuckoo sing, watching the lizard dance, the frogs grump. Everything was so fine. I was talking to the sun about how beautiful the world is and how they all came into existence. But silly me, how could the sun know, everyday nature sent a brand new one after the fire had finished. He probably was confused as me on my first day here, or all the suns before him. The soil was hugging me so warmly so I hugged her back.

I then crawled back to the tree to hug the tree too being thankful for never complaining and forever being there for me. I wrapped myself to her branch and smiled. Then I heard some voices, some human voices. I was so happy that day that I wanted to be friends with them, so I crawled to the edge of the tree. I yelled at them. They didn’t hear me, but one of the humans did spot me and they all started yelling. I got panicked and tried convincing them that it was all fine. They yelled back harder. I lost all my senses.

Then I saw a larger human come between them and he started searching for me. He seemed cautious and stepped one step back as soon as he saw me. I was so sad, I hadn’t eaten their eggs. Then u saw the human pull out something. It was like an X-shaped cross. I got amazed and kept staring at him. He then touched the soil without allowing his eyes off me. I think he was asking the soil about me. But the soil could only hug. Then he picked up a stone and placed it between the cross. He pushed the cross away and pulled the stone near to him. Was he asking the stone about me? But the rock could only cry when it rained. What was he trying to do?

He then released his fingers and I saw the stone fly. I was so amazed. Only birds could fly flapping their wings in thin air. But the human made the stone fly as well. Are humans the God we talk about? Then I saw the rock come closer to me. I think the stone was so happy it could fly that it was coming to hug me. I would then ask the stone to tell the human to make me fly as well. I would promise to never eat any eggs then.

But the stone came very hard on me and hit my head. I felt a sudden and brisk pain and lost all of my senses. I fell down from the branch into the ground. I had no idea what had just happened. I looked back at the tree, she was smiling at me, brighter than ever before. The soil hugged me tightly. I saw a bright light come near me, brighter than the bulb from my egg, brighter than when I saw the sun for the first time. Oh it was then when I knew. I then hugged the soil harder and smiled back at the tree wider. Because it was then I knew that it was now my turn to be the new bright sun. My hissy days were all gone.

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